Talk to your Doctor

I mean do some real straight talking. When he or she asks you what is the problem, don’t just answer “Well, I’m feeling a bit off colour”. “Feeling off colour” can be anything from a minor discomfort to serious physical symptoms. This broad, generalised information is not going give your doctor much of a clue as to what is ailing you.
So you do have to be a bit more precise in your descriptions. What is it exactly what you’re feeling? Are you nauseous, dizzy or do you have any pain anywhere? When did it start? How long did it last? What were you doing when you felt this? Did you do anything to alleviate the pain or the uncomfortable feeling? What was it? Did it help?

The more information you provide the better the doctor will be able to make a diagnosis. Remember Doctors are not super humans who can read your mind or make the near impossible mental leap from “feeling off colour” to an exact diagnosis. With the information you give them they have to go through a huge catalogue of knowledge and compare symptoms with possible illnesses. Also you should tell your doctor about little odd things, even if these seem insignificant to you they may just be a telltale sign of certain conditions.

It is important to keep in mind that these days, with an acute Doctor shortage, there are some considerable time constraints on consultations. The days are long gone where your friendly family doctor could afford the luxury of indulging in some chitchat about how grandmother is doing and if the kids are all fine, maybe even sipping a cup of tea. The best they can do these days is ask you if anything out of the ordinary is happening in your life or if anything is bothering you. However, today Doctors do recognise that emotional or financial stress can bring about mental or physical ailments.

So when you have an appointment with your doctor, do some homework first. Write down why you are seeing your doctor, record your symptoms, your feelings and actual times, duration etc. Also make a note of questions you want to ask. Remember there are no silly questions and even under the time pressure most Doctors will answer them as best as they can.

Maybe your condition requires the services of a specialist. Specialists generally have more time than your average general practitioner, but they also cost more and usually there can be quite a substantial waiting time until you get an appointment, unless it is an emergency. So again the better equipped you are with information the more value you get for your money. As the old saying goes “the toothache usually disappears the moment you enter the dentist's surgery”. So keep a written record of your ailments and symptoms.

The relationship you have with your doctor is important. You have to do your bit and educate him or her about you, your body and your mental state. And if you find a doctor with whom you have a good rapport, stay with him or her. Changing doctors constantly does not help you or them to provide you with the best care possible. But if you’re not satisfied or unsure there is never any harm in getting a second opinion.

How to treat us when we are depressed…

Partners, family members and friends are often at a loss as to how to treat someone who is going through a depressive episode. It often seems that everything they say or do is the wrong thing. And we don’t help much either by withdrawing into silence or becoming irritated and snapping at everybody around us. Is it little wonder that our families feel like they have to walk on eggshells when one of “those moods” hits us. It is not unusual for these bouts of depression to keep reoccurring for years and it is understandable that our loved ones can at times resent our suffering, which they also have to endure indirectly. Someone once told me that my depression has been going on for so long that they are sick and tired of it and it was about time I got over it. Maybe not the most empathetic remark, but it does demonstrate how exasperating depression can be for those around us.

We know better what we don’t want. We don’t want to be told that we should “snap out of it”, because believe me, if we could “snap out of it” we definitely would. It is no fun being in a depressive episode. It is not the best time to bring up relationship issues and how we are failing in our support and duties. We know all too well where our shortcomings are and we reprimand ourselves often enough for them. You don’t have to pour oil on the fire. It is also not a good idea to compare us to others and then be told how well they are coping in similar maybe even worse circumstances. Everybody’s coping mechanism is different. Some can take anything life throws at them, others struggle with every new challenge. Most of all we don’t want to be isolated and treated as if we had some kind of contagious disease. Please don’t withdraw your love and presence.

So what do we want when we are depressed? What do we expect from others? The simple answer is that most of the time we don’t know either what we want or what would help us. We want closeness, yet we still want distance. A hug never goes astray. We want love, affection, but we don’t want someone gushing all over us. A walk in the neighbourhood or along the beach would give us a chance to sort out our thoughts. Or just lying down with us and talk about trivial things could help us to shift our focus outwards. However, we want to be allowed to feel our down feelings without being made to feel guilty. We want acknowledgement that this is hard and that - although it may not look like it - we are doing our best. Just being there, giving us company while we are dealing with our demons helps a lot. A small gesture of reassurance that shows us we are still loved and wanted goes a long way too. And telling us that you are not giving up on us, even if we are, makes us aware that there is something to live for and life is still precious. We need to feel that someone is close enough to catch us when we fall.


When I am in a depressive episode I often seek the company of my pets. My cat just sits there with me, purring and being close without crowding me and supporting me with silence. In her presence I can let go of the anguish, I can cry out my pain, let the tears flow if I have any left. I don’t need to feel ashamed or that I have to put on a brave face. Her look of compassion tells me that she understands and she will wait patiently with me for however long it takes for me to go through my inner darkness and start to climb up again.

I often think that the people could learn a lot from their animals.

The Stigma of antidepressants

Many people simply refuse to even consider taking antidepressants despite the fact that they are seriously struggling with their moods. If a doctor, family member or friend suggest that an antidepressant might help getting over the rough bits, they not only get angry, but also feel insulted. How dare anyone insinuate that they need “shrink-pills”!
Males are particularly reluctant to consider medication. They see it as wimpy and not something a real bloke does. Often they will strenuously deny that they have a problem. “Just a bit low, that’s all, mate” they’ll say and wear their hard-nosed approach to their frequent mood swings, irritation and snappiness like a badge of honour. In the meantime their family will be walking on eggshells.

Unfortunately the still widely held public opinion that suffering from depression is due to some sort of personal weakness is preventing many people from seeking help. The stigma attached to antidepressants is even more pronounced and the people who do take antidepressants are often very hesitant to admit it to friends for fear of being ridiculed. I take antidepressants. Am I ashamed of it? No. I have the same attitude to taking antidepressants as I have towards taking medication for a migraine. If there is something that will alleviate my pain why should I refuse to take it? That would be stupid.

I see this all in the context of what I want in life. Do I want to go through life having to struggle with my moods every step of the way and hardly making any progress at all? Do I want to spread the suffering of depression to my partner, my children and the people around me? Do I want to set them up to one day also suffer from depression because I am forcing them to live with my depression? Do I want to be consumed by the thoughts and emotional anguish of depression 90% of the time every day, every week, every month and every year? Do I want to function only at 10% of my capacity because I refuse to take antidepressants? Do I want to waste my entire life and future and give up on my dreams, sacrifice all the things I could be achieving because I need all my energy to keep myself from drowning in my depression?

I have answered “No” to all these questions and antidepressants have become one of the many tools that help me manage my depression. Today, my depression only takes up a fraction of my time and then only periodically. Oh I still experience normal lows that we all experience from time to time. Antidepressants have not made me numb against all feelings. Actually the contrary has happened, antidepressants allow me to experience the wide range of emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Whereas before I took antidepressants I used to suppress all feelings, good and bad, so that I could survive somehow. I am no longer totally consumed by paralysing negative feelings.


I live in the present and look towards the future. Since I have my depression under control with the help of antidepressants I have lifted my head from the ground and noticed the little things in life that make it so enjoyable, such as a bird singing in the tree. I have thrown off the shackles of public opinion and decided that if Scientists have spent decades and millions to find a medication that will help me live a more fulfilled life then why should I not take it?



Note: Talk to your doctor about antidepressants and make sure he or she explains the possible side effects in detail. Some side effects, such as nausea or light-headedness, usually only last until the body gets used to the medication. Antidepressants take a couple of weeks to work at full capacity so don’t be discouraged if you don’t feel better immediately.

The support your pet gives you is priceless!

I am besotted with animals. I think they are wonderful, beautiful, loving, funny and whatever positive attribute I can think of. The world would be a very sad place without animals. They can teach us so many wonderful things about living, loving, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and nature that it astounds me that so many people can dismiss them as a mere by-product to life or even be cruel to them.

But the true value of animals, in particular pets, really comes to the forefront when we are suffering. They are sometimes the only thing standing between us and a wish to die. It would be impossible to guess how many lives dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, birds, fish, cows, goats, snakes, goannas – I could list the entire contents of Noah’s Ark here – have saved, and continue to save, just by being there when no one else was or is. The bond with an animal can be as powerful as the bond with a human, in some cases even more.

The medical community has long discovered that animals have an encouraging therapeutic influence on people who are suffering. The positive impact and calming effect a pet can have on a person who is in emotional pain cannot be overrated. Our pets love and support us in non-verbal ways, they sense when we are down. Have you ever seen a dog put his head on the knee of someone who was sad and down and gently nudged them with his nose? Have you experienced a cat snuggle up to you, purred and head-butted you when you felt like crying?

When we struggle with depression the company of an animal is lifegiving. It gives us love and acceptance when we can no longer accept ourselves. Some people slip so deep into depression that they can hardly take care of themselves and if left to their own devices they would barely eat, clean or even get dressed for maybe weeks and just slowly wither away. However, the presence of a pet often can pull them out of the emotional hole. The need to walk the dog forces them out of isolation and to again make a tentative step into the world. The pet’s demands for food may entice them to buy some food for themselves as well.

The responsibility of taking care of an animal and the love we feel for it makes us aware that there is still something to live for. Being able to meet the needs of our pet gives us a sense of achievement. It makes us feel needed and tells us that we are not useless or a waste of space. Responsible pet ownership requires a daily routine and this in turn gives us some stability upon which we can slowly build up our life again bit by bit.

But I must stress that owning an animal is a long-term commitment. A pet is not just something you buy from the local pet shop and in a few weeks or months, when you get bored with it you can give it back or - god forbid – dump it. That animal will invest its entire trust for its life in you, be sure you can honour it before getting a pet. If you are not sure that you commit to an animal for maybe 10 to 20 years, try to make contact maybe with a neighbour’s animal. Ask if you can take their dog for a walk or stroke their cat. Or go to the animal shelter and give some poor animal some much needed attention and love, and the staff will be grateful too.

However, if you do want a pet for the long haul, I beg you to first go look for a pet at the local animal shelter or the RSPCA and don’t only insist on a kitten or a puppy. Sometimes an older animal, maybe one who has also suffered, will make the better companion in your life. Give them a second chance because they will repay you a thousandfold in love and acceptance.



Here are pictures of my cat Coco, who was dumped because she was pregnant, and Benny (ginger tom) who is one of her kittens. The other two kittens also got a good home (only 3 kittens survived because she was so weak). Coco and I have a special bond because I held her paw and comforted her when she had her kittens just one day after she appeared at my door, so starved that fur was missing on her paws and with a tick. I always feel because she also was abandoned that we have a special affinity.

Do we feel let down by our family?

In an ideal world your loved ones would gather around you and engulf you in a protective shield when suffering from depression, they would show you compassion and empathy. They would give you support and not give up on you when you slide backwards. They would hold you up on the road to recovery. But, unfortunately, we do not all live in an ideal world and sometimes the very people who are closest to us and to whom we mostly look for understanding and help are the ones who have the least patience and sometimes are even the most hostile towards us.

Managing depression on your own is not an easy task and the best support comes from other people. In particular, the support from the people who love us the most and vice versa, in other words our family, is invaluable. But it is not uncommon that family members, of whom we had the least doubt that they would stand by our side no matter what, turn their backs on us.

Depression often runs in families, sometimes from one generation to the next. Therefore some of the other family members may also suffer from depression, whether they acknowledge this or not. If you are seeking help and understanding from your parents, siblings or other close relatives, who have lived in the same environment, you are in a sense forcing them to confront their own demons when maybe they are not ready or not willing to do so.

If the depression is the result of family trauma your parents may feel guilty or that they are being accused and held responsible for not protecting you better. Though there is sometimes some merit in this assumption, if we make an effort to understand the wider circumstances at the time this can help our own healing. However, this can only be achieved when we are willing to listen to their side of the story as well and explain our feelings without any recriminations.

Siblings may feel that their own suffering is being ignored or they just want to forget and move on. Although suppressing a problem is never the best option we must respect their limits. The hurt felt on both sides by the apparent lack of compassion and understanding for the other’s situation can cause deep rifts in the family relationships and often all ties are severed, which exacerbates the depressive feelings for all concerned.

When we feel that the family has let us down, what can we do? Firstly, we must try to keep the line of communication open even if this is very hard. Secondly, and maybe most importantly, we sometimes need to give ourselves what we expected from others. We need to show ourselves compassion, empathy and patience. You may think that this would be obvious, but it is amazing how harshly we often treat ourselves. We need to be kind with ourselves and treat ourselves in a loving way. We can do this by accepting our imperfections and acknowledging that we are doing our best in the circumstances and with the tools we were given.

We can reward ourselves with gifts that make us happy and fill us with a sense of value. These can be tangible or intangible, a visit to a concert, a little luxury item or maybe allowing ourselves the time to read a good book. We can learn to live our life for ourselves, not always for other people. We are the most important person in our lives and when we start to appreciate ourselves the road to managing depression successfully will be much smoother and we will learn to enjoy the challenge of living.

When do you tell your friends……

At first glance it may seem an insignificant question, but many people have spent hours grappling with it. The question is when and if you should tell your friends, work colleagues and general acquaintances that you suffer from depression. Some people argue that if you tell other people that you have a problem with depression they will treat you differently, maybe even look down on you. Then there is the possibility that your career chances might be compromised because you’ve told your employer or people at work that you suffer from depression. Will you be overlooked at promotions or will you even lose your job? These are all difficult questions to answer and there is no universal answer that will suit everybody’s circumstances.

In my case I wait until I know someone quite well until I tell them. I don’t go up to people and say “Hi, my name is Therrie and I suffer from depression…” That is like crashing into a house with a bulldozer. I look at it from the point of whether or not I would want to know such intimate knowledge so early on in a relationship. I treat it more or less on a “need to know” basis and if it serves a purpose. Naturally, I tell my doctor or any health care worker who is treating me if there is a need to do so, for example if I am given medication that may conflict with the medication I am already taking.

When it comes to friends, I tell them as the friendship progresses. Since my depression is pretty much under control the symptoms are not obvious. Therefore acquaintances, people I meet through work generally don’t know and will most likely never know that I have a problem with depression. With good friends it surfaces sooner or later because of the close relationship we share. It also helps to explain why I am more sensitive than the average person about certain things. I have not experienced any adverse reaction to the disclosure from anyone. The people I have told have only shown me respect, compassion and understanding. I have not encountered anyone who has used the knowledge against me. But I admit of being very selective of the people I have told.

Though depression is part of me, it is not all of me. My personality, my idiosyncrasies, my beliefs, feelings and experiences are all part of the fabric of me. Has depression altered my characteristics? Yes and no, it certainly has influenced me in countless different ways. Had I not had a problem with depression would my life have been different? Almost guaranteed. Many decisions I have made, wether they were good or bad, were influenced by my emotional state. My road would have gone into a different direction had I not had the problem with depression. If that direction would have been better I will never know. What I do know is that depression has not just given me painful experiences, it has also given me strengths such as understanding, sensitivity and endurance. By learning to manage depression I have had the opportunity to discover depth in me.

Get those muscles moving....

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We all know it and every doctor will tell us that exercise is good for us. And if we suffer from depression exercise is really, really good for us and plays a major part in managing depression successfully.


Research has shown that physical activity has the same effect as antidepressants. Getting the heart pumping and moving those muscles stimulates neurotransmitters in our brain to produce serotonin, an endorphin that makes us feel good. It is nature’s antidepressant. It works instantly and guaranteed every time you feel down. And exercise, unlike antidepressants, has no negative side effects.


I’ve tested it time and time again. Whenever my mood seemed to sink I hit the gym and after about 10 to 15 minutes I started feeling better again. I’ve also noticed that the harder I work out the faster my mood improves. Now I’ve incorporated a visit to the gym in my daily routine. I work out about five days a week for about an hour. I do a combination of cardiovascular and strength training exercises to build muscles (as you can see from the pictures). The result is that my depression only rarely surfaces. I am more able to deal with the daily stresses and am more relaxed and calm.

Exercise has allowed me to reduce my medication by 50% and I am working at bringing that down even further. Apart from improving my emotional wellbeing I have toned my body, kept my weight at a healthy level and improved my overall physical health and appearance, which again makes me feel better about myself. Today I am fitter and more confident than I was at any stage of my life.


Now you don’t have to become a gym-junkie to test this theory. Starting off with a regular walk in the neighbourhood for at least 30 minutes a day will already have a positive impact. If you take your kids and/or your dog with you it will be more interesting and you’ll spend some quality time with the kids and the dog will happy too. Once you’ve established a routine you can take it up a notch.

It is not surprising that with the alarming increase in body weight and obesity, the occurrence of depression has also skyrocketed at the same time.

Applying the moodometer

When embarking upon a project it is advisable to gather as much relevant information as we can with which we can make more informative choices. This also applies to the management of our depression. The more we know about our moods the better we can deal with them. That is why I created the ‘moodometer’. I am sure you’re going to ask “What on earth is a moodometer?” I sort of got the idea from a thermometer, except instead of measuring the temperature the moodometer measures moods. But it’s not a fancy gadget you stick in your ear or put under your tongue and you can’t go to the local pharmacy and buy it. If you ask for a moodometer expect to get some funny looks.

It is a simple record of our moods during the course of the day. I take a sheet of paper (graph paper with horizontal and vertical lines if possible). Down the side (vertically) I place the numbers 10 to 1. These numbers reflect my moods. "10" is a ‘being on top of the world’ mood and "1" is a ‘totally down in the dumps’ mood. The number "5" is being ‘nicely balanced’ - the mood to strive for - so at the number 5 we draw a line across the sheet. Anything above the line is a good mood and anything below is a negative mood. At the bottom of the sheet (horizontally) I write the hours of the day. We are all more or less creatures of habit and tend to get up and go to bed around the same time on most days. I get up around 6 am and go to bed around 10.30 pm. So I wrote down the hours from 6 am to 10 pm.


On this chart we can record our mood at hourly intervals during an average day. If we do this every day for about a week we get a fairly accurate picture of our average emotional wellbeing. We will discover that we have distinct downtimes and uptimes with only slight variances from day to day. So how can this help us? Well we can plan our day according to our down and uptimes.

As you can see from my chart my mood dips in the morning around 8 to 9 am and then later in the afternoon again. I am self-employed and my work is mainly creative. On top of that I work from home. So I need to have a certain amount of self-discipline. Now I find it difficult to be creative at the start of the day, which may explain my downtime then. Therefore I schedule more mundane and routine tasks - where I don’t have to think too much - for that time. My uptimes are between 10am and 3.30 pm and that is when I do my most challenging work. I have another downtime at around 4 pm, this is probably because I am tired by then and need a break.

If you know your down and uptimes during the day you can organise your time accordingly. For example do something you enjoy during the downtimes, something that doesn’t demand too much from you. Make a list of little things that cheer you up and then pick one when the mood sinks. Alternatively take advantage of your uptimes and do the difficult things then. You will find by knowing your up and downtimes you life will run a lot smoother, which in turn will make you happier. Of course, any extraordinary circumstances - like a death in the family or meeting the love of your life - are going to have a significant impact on your moods. But if we can cope with normal times better we will be stronger and better able to cope with extraordinary events.

“Managing versus Curing” Depression

You may have noticed I have named my blog “depressionmanaged” and not “eliminating depression” or “curing depression”, not even overcoming depression. In my experience depression is something we can’t just get rid of. It has taken time to build up the depression to its present state and it will take time to control or manage it so that a normal life can be pursued. I have a friend who says that she just wants to take a pill or see a doctor and then the depression will be gone, or cured. Unfortunately things don’t work that way. Yes, there is medication that helps you manage depression better – see that word “manage” is there again – but none of them claim that they “cure” depression. Also I find that having the expectation of a cure for depression is setting my goal somewhere up in the sky and making it nearly unachievable, which in turn will just dishearten me and worsen my fragile emotional state.

However, if my aim is to “manage” my depression I set myself little, achievable goals along the way. For example I try to get through one day without feeling overwhelmed by my emotions. If one day is still too difficult, well then I cut it down to one hour. When I have achieved that goal, I will set the next one. Like this I can enjoy a sense of achievement throughout the day, every day and this will brighten my mood. However, if occasionally I can’t fight off the depression monster it’s not so tragic, because there is always another opportunity tomorrow. It is a bit like giving up smoking. You take it one hour at a time. The cravings are there but if we manage to distract ourselves and occupy our mind with something more interesting then the cravings – or in our case the negative emotions – will start to fade away. The more we can overcome them the more they will fade and with time depression only periodically raises its ugly head. But this does not happen within a week, it takes time and we must allow ourselves to go through this process of personal development.


By learning to manage my depression I went from being totally consumed by depression over 90% of the time, every day of the week, to dealing with depression maybe 10-15% of the time and this only periodically. I am not cured of depression, it is still there in the background and when it makes itself felt I still have to make an effort. But I can function normally nearly 100% of the time, just sometimes it is a bit more difficult.

Fighting the dark shadow of my depression has sharpened my empathy for other people and strengthened my belief in myself and given me the courage to live in the present and not in the past or in the future. I truly believe that I am a better person because of it.

Not another blog!

It seems that everyone and his dog has a blog these days and now I too have joined the ranks of the large army of bloggers. Don’t worry I’m not going to bore you with the intricate details of my everyday life. The theme for my blog is “depression”. Now why would I pick such a depressing topic? Well firstly, I have struggled with depression for most of my life and know a thing or two about it firsthand, especially what it feels like. Secondly, I have written a book on depression and how to manage it and thirdly, there are so many things that I also wanted to include in the book but there was just not enough room. So I thought I’d cover these extra thoughts here.

Why would I write a book about depression? I’m not a mental health professional. Well basically, when I was trying to get on top of my depression, using the methods of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and under the supervision of my therapist, I tried to find some literature on the subject. What I found was a lot of really thick books with lots of complicated texts not explaining anything I could understand. When you’re depressed it is hard to set the brain in motion. You want something easy to digest, maybe even something you just need to look at and still get the message, something that entices you to turn the page and read on, is uplifting and makes you smile sometimes, but it also has to be based on scientific facts. Since there was nothing like this on the market we had to create it ourselves.

Professor Tian Oei provided the scientific facts, Marco Schmidt drew the over 200 illustrations, of which 130 ended up in the book, so that the reader has something to look at if they can’t handle the text yet. And I wrote the book in such a language that everybody can understand it, even if they are going through a depressive episode. To explain the points I’ve drawn from my own experiences of living with depression. It took us two years to bring this book to publication. It has been favourably reviewed by numerous professional organizations in Australia such as beyondblue, the Mental Health Council of Australia and the Psychologist Society, just to name a few. If you want to look at some sample pages or read the reviews go to our website listed above the picture of the book.


Now what do I want to achieve with this blog? Well, I’d like to use it to record some of the experiences I’ve made in my fight to manage depression, some of the things that have worked for me. I would also like to bring this “hidden” topic into the open. Maybe someone who is also struggling with depression can relate to some of the issues mentioned here.

I don’t know how often I will be posting. I’ll just play it by ear, if I have something to say I will say it. I hope this will be an interesting experience for all of us.