When do you tell your friends……

At first glance it may seem an insignificant question, but many people have spent hours grappling with it. The question is when and if you should tell your friends, work colleagues and general acquaintances that you suffer from depression. Some people argue that if you tell other people that you have a problem with depression they will treat you differently, maybe even look down on you. Then there is the possibility that your career chances might be compromised because you’ve told your employer or people at work that you suffer from depression. Will you be overlooked at promotions or will you even lose your job? These are all difficult questions to answer and there is no universal answer that will suit everybody’s circumstances.

In my case I wait until I know someone quite well until I tell them. I don’t go up to people and say “Hi, my name is Therrie and I suffer from depression…” That is like crashing into a house with a bulldozer. I look at it from the point of whether or not I would want to know such intimate knowledge so early on in a relationship. I treat it more or less on a “need to know” basis and if it serves a purpose. Naturally, I tell my doctor or any health care worker who is treating me if there is a need to do so, for example if I am given medication that may conflict with the medication I am already taking.

When it comes to friends, I tell them as the friendship progresses. Since my depression is pretty much under control the symptoms are not obvious. Therefore acquaintances, people I meet through work generally don’t know and will most likely never know that I have a problem with depression. With good friends it surfaces sooner or later because of the close relationship we share. It also helps to explain why I am more sensitive than the average person about certain things. I have not experienced any adverse reaction to the disclosure from anyone. The people I have told have only shown me respect, compassion and understanding. I have not encountered anyone who has used the knowledge against me. But I admit of being very selective of the people I have told.

Though depression is part of me, it is not all of me. My personality, my idiosyncrasies, my beliefs, feelings and experiences are all part of the fabric of me. Has depression altered my characteristics? Yes and no, it certainly has influenced me in countless different ways. Had I not had a problem with depression would my life have been different? Almost guaranteed. Many decisions I have made, wether they were good or bad, were influenced by my emotional state. My road would have gone into a different direction had I not had the problem with depression. If that direction would have been better I will never know. What I do know is that depression has not just given me painful experiences, it has also given me strengths such as understanding, sensitivity and endurance. By learning to manage depression I have had the opportunity to discover depth in me.