The support your pet gives you is priceless!

I am besotted with animals. I think they are wonderful, beautiful, loving, funny and whatever positive attribute I can think of. The world would be a very sad place without animals. They can teach us so many wonderful things about living, loving, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and nature that it astounds me that so many people can dismiss them as a mere by-product to life or even be cruel to them.

But the true value of animals, in particular pets, really comes to the forefront when we are suffering. They are sometimes the only thing standing between us and a wish to die. It would be impossible to guess how many lives dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, birds, fish, cows, goats, snakes, goannas – I could list the entire contents of Noah’s Ark here – have saved, and continue to save, just by being there when no one else was or is. The bond with an animal can be as powerful as the bond with a human, in some cases even more.

The medical community has long discovered that animals have an encouraging therapeutic influence on people who are suffering. The positive impact and calming effect a pet can have on a person who is in emotional pain cannot be overrated. Our pets love and support us in non-verbal ways, they sense when we are down. Have you ever seen a dog put his head on the knee of someone who was sad and down and gently nudged them with his nose? Have you experienced a cat snuggle up to you, purred and head-butted you when you felt like crying?

When we struggle with depression the company of an animal is lifegiving. It gives us love and acceptance when we can no longer accept ourselves. Some people slip so deep into depression that they can hardly take care of themselves and if left to their own devices they would barely eat, clean or even get dressed for maybe weeks and just slowly wither away. However, the presence of a pet often can pull them out of the emotional hole. The need to walk the dog forces them out of isolation and to again make a tentative step into the world. The pet’s demands for food may entice them to buy some food for themselves as well.

The responsibility of taking care of an animal and the love we feel for it makes us aware that there is still something to live for. Being able to meet the needs of our pet gives us a sense of achievement. It makes us feel needed and tells us that we are not useless or a waste of space. Responsible pet ownership requires a daily routine and this in turn gives us some stability upon which we can slowly build up our life again bit by bit.

But I must stress that owning an animal is a long-term commitment. A pet is not just something you buy from the local pet shop and in a few weeks or months, when you get bored with it you can give it back or - god forbid – dump it. That animal will invest its entire trust for its life in you, be sure you can honour it before getting a pet. If you are not sure that you commit to an animal for maybe 10 to 20 years, try to make contact maybe with a neighbour’s animal. Ask if you can take their dog for a walk or stroke their cat. Or go to the animal shelter and give some poor animal some much needed attention and love, and the staff will be grateful too.

However, if you do want a pet for the long haul, I beg you to first go look for a pet at the local animal shelter or the RSPCA and don’t only insist on a kitten or a puppy. Sometimes an older animal, maybe one who has also suffered, will make the better companion in your life. Give them a second chance because they will repay you a thousandfold in love and acceptance.



Here are pictures of my cat Coco, who was dumped because she was pregnant, and Benny (ginger tom) who is one of her kittens. The other two kittens also got a good home (only 3 kittens survived because she was so weak). Coco and I have a special bond because I held her paw and comforted her when she had her kittens just one day after she appeared at my door, so starved that fur was missing on her paws and with a tick. I always feel because she also was abandoned that we have a special affinity.

Do we feel let down by our family?

In an ideal world your loved ones would gather around you and engulf you in a protective shield when suffering from depression, they would show you compassion and empathy. They would give you support and not give up on you when you slide backwards. They would hold you up on the road to recovery. But, unfortunately, we do not all live in an ideal world and sometimes the very people who are closest to us and to whom we mostly look for understanding and help are the ones who have the least patience and sometimes are even the most hostile towards us.

Managing depression on your own is not an easy task and the best support comes from other people. In particular, the support from the people who love us the most and vice versa, in other words our family, is invaluable. But it is not uncommon that family members, of whom we had the least doubt that they would stand by our side no matter what, turn their backs on us.

Depression often runs in families, sometimes from one generation to the next. Therefore some of the other family members may also suffer from depression, whether they acknowledge this or not. If you are seeking help and understanding from your parents, siblings or other close relatives, who have lived in the same environment, you are in a sense forcing them to confront their own demons when maybe they are not ready or not willing to do so.

If the depression is the result of family trauma your parents may feel guilty or that they are being accused and held responsible for not protecting you better. Though there is sometimes some merit in this assumption, if we make an effort to understand the wider circumstances at the time this can help our own healing. However, this can only be achieved when we are willing to listen to their side of the story as well and explain our feelings without any recriminations.

Siblings may feel that their own suffering is being ignored or they just want to forget and move on. Although suppressing a problem is never the best option we must respect their limits. The hurt felt on both sides by the apparent lack of compassion and understanding for the other’s situation can cause deep rifts in the family relationships and often all ties are severed, which exacerbates the depressive feelings for all concerned.

When we feel that the family has let us down, what can we do? Firstly, we must try to keep the line of communication open even if this is very hard. Secondly, and maybe most importantly, we sometimes need to give ourselves what we expected from others. We need to show ourselves compassion, empathy and patience. You may think that this would be obvious, but it is amazing how harshly we often treat ourselves. We need to be kind with ourselves and treat ourselves in a loving way. We can do this by accepting our imperfections and acknowledging that we are doing our best in the circumstances and with the tools we were given.

We can reward ourselves with gifts that make us happy and fill us with a sense of value. These can be tangible or intangible, a visit to a concert, a little luxury item or maybe allowing ourselves the time to read a good book. We can learn to live our life for ourselves, not always for other people. We are the most important person in our lives and when we start to appreciate ourselves the road to managing depression successfully will be much smoother and we will learn to enjoy the challenge of living.